Sanctuary

...just got home from Christmas Eve church service an hour or so ago. It was kind of special. My wife, Lori, is in the middle of a pretty bad cold and hasn't felt much like getting out of bed all day, much less getting dressed for church, and schlepping across town, and mingling and hugging. I "generously" offered to sacrifice my own church time and stay home and watch movies and eat cookies. My older son, Josh, told me he was looking forward to the candlelight service, so, convicted, I changed my plans and he and I attended the 8pm service.
The service itself was pretty much the same as it is every year. The room was more full than usual; there were lots of people who clearly don't attend very often; there was the ambient noise of restless kids that should have been in the nursery; the message was Jesus 101, obviously a reaching out to the unchurched visitors.
But I was moved this evening. The "worship team" was on their "A" game-the music was just fabulous-especially a solo by Janelle. [The music at our church has always been a big attraction for me-when I was dragged there against my will many, many moons ago by my wife, the quality of the musicians and singers made it pleasant, like a free concert.] The "finale" of Silent Night and the darkened room lit by 1000 candles was, as always, goosebump inducing. But the real "moment" for me tonight was the rare sense of calm spirit and quiet mind I felt while immersed in the music, and admiring the sea of candles. All day long I've had, as per normal, anxiousness, uneasiness, even quiet rage. My boys and I went to the Mall earlier today to get a last minute gift. Of course, parking was a challenge, the store was crowded, and the lines long. Then we went to the grocery store (since was wife was too sick to do so) to get the stuff we needed for tonight and tomorrow-shrimp, chips, cheese, all that party stuff. Again, crowded and long checkout lines. Our house-every room-looks like the running of the bulls was held here-yesterday. So by 7:15, when it was time to leave for church, I wasn't feeling quite "spiritual". In fact, murderous would be more accurate. But at some point during the service I became aware the rage was gone. I felt serene. Peaceful. Quiet. The hectic frenzy of the day (and much of this season) was gone! When Silent Night was done, the candles were blown out, the Pastor had said his "...ya'll come back now..." and the mass exodus had begun, I wanted to stay there enveloped in the peace, the "sanctuary" of the place and the moment. I expressed that to Josh-that I hated to step back out into the rat race. "I guess that's what they mean by standing back and seeing the world, but not really being part of it." Josh profoundly, simplistically expressed the essence of authentic Christian living. I want so badly to live in that peaceful Sanctuary of Christ.
But we, I am entangled in the worlds' "unpeace" of bills, and traffic jams, and laundry piles, and Santa, busy busy hurry hurry. I, and I suspect far too many of us, spend so much of our time out of breath, and swirling with to-do lists that true peace is a rare state of mind. What I heard tonight was Mary and Joseph, etc. etc. What I learned tonight was the meaning of Sanctuary.